Chpt. 23: In Which There Was a Plot Twist
Hurrm.
I have drama issues.
I talked with Angela for 45 minutes last night. She still says that she does love me and that life would be easier if she could be with me, but she just can't. She says she doesn't feel quite right with a man, and is just generally having problems defining her own sexuality. She has a crush on Milla Jovovich. I told her that if they ever hook up, then I at least deserve to get some hot pictures out of it. She happily agreed. We still get along well, but she's made it clear that there will not be an "us" again.
I'm wondering if I was just so bad that I've ruined her for all men. o.O
In other news, my other MySpace friend and I have been talking a bunch lately. She's going through a divorce because she caught her husband not only hooking up with other women through the internet, but also because he had become abusive towards her. She said it wasn't physical abuse, but it's still plenty bad. They have a kid together... he's not even a year old yet.
She said he wasn't happy with her talking to other men on the internet... uh, like me. Now I can definitively say that Laura and I have never had a thing. As far as I know, we've never even been flirty. We both had LiveJournals (another blogging site) at one point, we both like Johnny Depp movies, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. So we had stuff to talk about. Just general small talk, not like deep thoughts and feelings or anything. When she posted a blog entry about having a baby, she put up a link to where she was registered. It was a public announcement to everyone on her friends list. I followed the link and bought something for them... I don't even remember exactly what. I think it was a Winnie the Pooh mobile for the crib or something. Apparently that may have caused some tension.
I'm not so egotistical to think I broke up their marriage over a mobile. I have no delusions about my degree of importance in the world. However, it does really bother me that I may have played even the tiniest part in this. In a situation like she describes, I'd expect a divorce to have been the result anyway. But I'm still uncomfortable with having been an item on a list of grievances just for trying to be generous to a friend.
So anyway, she was IM-ing me about her frustrations with the divorce process, being a single mom, etc. She also mentioned having feelings for someone who's "so far away" and who she "never sees." She's been asking me to come visit and she said a lot of things to indicate she has an internet crush on someone. How do I know? Hell, I did the internet romance thing once... I know what it looks like. I don't want to jump to conclusions and I don't want to be egotistical... but I really hope she's not hinting that she wants to have a thing with me. She knows of my previous internet relationship and therefore may think that I'm okay with it... and while I have nothing against it - love is not bound by physical proximity - I don't think it's something I can put myself through again. I'm touchy-feely. I need someone to cuddle up with. Beyond that is the more important fact that I don't have feelings like that for her. I think she's a great person who will make someone very happy to be with. But I don't feel like she'd be a good fit for me.
Honestly, I've been kinda crushing on someone else lately anyway, so my affectionate feelings are pointed elsewhere. This also is giving me much to ponder.
Bah. I'm probably overthinking this just as I do with damn near everything. *sigh*
Hm.
They say that a picture is worth a thousand words.
I'd say "love" is a word that's inspired a million pictures.
I have drama issues.
I talked with Angela for 45 minutes last night. She still says that she does love me and that life would be easier if she could be with me, but she just can't. She says she doesn't feel quite right with a man, and is just generally having problems defining her own sexuality. She has a crush on Milla Jovovich. I told her that if they ever hook up, then I at least deserve to get some hot pictures out of it. She happily agreed. We still get along well, but she's made it clear that there will not be an "us" again.
I'm wondering if I was just so bad that I've ruined her for all men. o.O
In other news, my other MySpace friend and I have been talking a bunch lately. She's going through a divorce because she caught her husband not only hooking up with other women through the internet, but also because he had become abusive towards her. She said it wasn't physical abuse, but it's still plenty bad. They have a kid together... he's not even a year old yet.
She said he wasn't happy with her talking to other men on the internet... uh, like me. Now I can definitively say that Laura and I have never had a thing. As far as I know, we've never even been flirty. We both had LiveJournals (another blogging site) at one point, we both like Johnny Depp movies, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. So we had stuff to talk about. Just general small talk, not like deep thoughts and feelings or anything. When she posted a blog entry about having a baby, she put up a link to where she was registered. It was a public announcement to everyone on her friends list. I followed the link and bought something for them... I don't even remember exactly what. I think it was a Winnie the Pooh mobile for the crib or something. Apparently that may have caused some tension.
I'm not so egotistical to think I broke up their marriage over a mobile. I have no delusions about my degree of importance in the world. However, it does really bother me that I may have played even the tiniest part in this. In a situation like she describes, I'd expect a divorce to have been the result anyway. But I'm still uncomfortable with having been an item on a list of grievances just for trying to be generous to a friend.
So anyway, she was IM-ing me about her frustrations with the divorce process, being a single mom, etc. She also mentioned having feelings for someone who's "so far away" and who she "never sees." She's been asking me to come visit and she said a lot of things to indicate she has an internet crush on someone. How do I know? Hell, I did the internet romance thing once... I know what it looks like. I don't want to jump to conclusions and I don't want to be egotistical... but I really hope she's not hinting that she wants to have a thing with me. She knows of my previous internet relationship and therefore may think that I'm okay with it... and while I have nothing against it - love is not bound by physical proximity - I don't think it's something I can put myself through again. I'm touchy-feely. I need someone to cuddle up with. Beyond that is the more important fact that I don't have feelings like that for her. I think she's a great person who will make someone very happy to be with. But I don't feel like she'd be a good fit for me.
Honestly, I've been kinda crushing on someone else lately anyway, so my affectionate feelings are pointed elsewhere. This also is giving me much to ponder.
Bah. I'm probably overthinking this just as I do with damn near everything. *sigh*
Hm.
They say that a picture is worth a thousand words.
I'd say "love" is a word that's inspired a million pictures.
posted by Tiergan at 11:08 AM
4 Comments:
you need a basset hound, or three so you can play poker...no more internet hook ups...
A basset hound may well be in order.
And though I don't regret having at least tried the Internet thing, I'm not doing it again.
(Insert maudlin statement about being alone here.)
Blah.
I'm bored. Let's hang out sometime.
I'm managing right now...when you finish let's play.
only you would fall in love with a lesbian...well, you and ben affleck in a kevin smith flick
Post a Comment
<< Home