I can barely concentrate on anything right now. My mind is being pulled in a hundred different directions and I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do about Angela. I do love her, but I don't want to go through another break-up with her, for both our sakes. There's no reason to re-live an old scenario that hurt like hell. I don't blame her for not really understanding her own sexuality. Lots of people who aren't strictly-straight have gone through the same thing. It's not her fault. She can no more choose her own orientation than I chose mine. Everyone gets the hand they're dealt.
But I don't want to be in a relationship where there's no physical intimacy. I don't mean to be lascivious, but physical love is necessary in some form at some point. We're human. Could I live without it for the rest of my life if I had to? Absolutely. Just not my first choice.
Was she just placating me before? I have no desire to have her just be a meathole, waiting for me to finish while she tries to mask her disgust. That's not fair to either of us. I want her to be happy as much as I want to be, too. If that means she needs to be with another girl, then that's what it means. She needs to do just that, and I wouldn't want any less for her.
I don't know what to do. Blah.
I'm going to visit her in January. Haven't decided anything beyond that yet.
If we decide to make another run at this, we need to move in together. Whether that means me moving to Ohio or her moving down here, I don't know. But something has to happen eventually. Long-distance can only remain long-distance for so long. Otherwise, I'm eventually going to end up taking all the money I have and blowing it on drugs and strippers (not necessarily in that order... in fact, just take drugs off the list, never really cared about them).
That's all of the downside. There is an upside to everything as well. I don't doubt at all that she loves me (emotionally speaking) and that counts for a LOT. I know that we get along really well together. I know that I can trust her with anything. All of those things matter to me.
*sigh*
I don't need to be writing this sort of thing while I'm at work... I'll come back and finish it later.
I don't know what to do about Angela. I do love her, but I don't want to go through another break-up with her, for both our sakes. There's no reason to re-live an old scenario that hurt like hell. I don't blame her for not really understanding her own sexuality. Lots of people who aren't strictly-straight have gone through the same thing. It's not her fault. She can no more choose her own orientation than I chose mine. Everyone gets the hand they're dealt.
But I don't want to be in a relationship where there's no physical intimacy. I don't mean to be lascivious, but physical love is necessary in some form at some point. We're human. Could I live without it for the rest of my life if I had to? Absolutely. Just not my first choice.
Was she just placating me before? I have no desire to have her just be a meathole, waiting for me to finish while she tries to mask her disgust. That's not fair to either of us. I want her to be happy as much as I want to be, too. If that means she needs to be with another girl, then that's what it means. She needs to do just that, and I wouldn't want any less for her.
I don't know what to do. Blah.
I'm going to visit her in January. Haven't decided anything beyond that yet.
If we decide to make another run at this, we need to move in together. Whether that means me moving to Ohio or her moving down here, I don't know. But something has to happen eventually. Long-distance can only remain long-distance for so long. Otherwise, I'm eventually going to end up taking all the money I have and blowing it on drugs and strippers (not necessarily in that order... in fact, just take drugs off the list, never really cared about them).
That's all of the downside. There is an upside to everything as well. I don't doubt at all that she loves me (emotionally speaking) and that counts for a LOT. I know that we get along really well together. I know that I can trust her with anything. All of those things matter to me.
*sigh*
I don't need to be writing this sort of thing while I'm at work... I'll come back and finish it later.
posted by Tiergan at 1:57 PM
1 Comments:
drugs and strippers looks like the healthy choice in this situation-that means run
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